Pssst...

Psst...20 February 2016

Pssst... would like to remind everyone that just because it is Valentine’s day it does not give you the right to vandalize property. Poor Erika had to endure Olienhout’s screeches and lame post-it notes that littered their foyer.

However, this is not as bad as Olympus abusing roses to spew romantic slurs at Madelief. Speaking of Madelief, Pssst... rejoiced when, for the second week in a row, there were no jottirs on campus. Pssst... really hopes that Madelief decided to get rid of those stupid polystyrene hats.

Magrietjie must not be loving the single life since Pssst... has never heard such unenthusiastic skipping coming from the Spikkels. It must be so hard to Rag alone. Maybe they should join Taaibos, who were seen drinking alone at Springbok on Valentine’s day.

Pssst... heard that the wedding vows Kollege made to Curlitzia at their zef wedding were as empty as the Vividus sign up tables last week.

Vividus Ladies had some trouble keeping Mopanie’s attention what with all the other lady reses being invited to the Mielievidus zef wedding. Didn’t anyone ever teach Mopanie men that it is rude to invite the mistress to the wedding?

Just some friendly advice from Pssst... to Zinnia, a duck pond filled with the stench of duck droppings, is not the supreme spot for a romantic make out sesh. Pssst... feels really bad for the men of Kiaat, surrounded by Inca, Lilium and Zinnia but zero marriage material around.

Pssst... would like to congratulate Jasmyn, Nerina and Asterhof for being so completely boring, that even Pssst... has nothing mean to say.

The only thing hot about Klaradyn this week was the fire drill they had.

Mareola should stop hanging out at Livingstones or risk not getting back into res like so many of your 2016 first years

 

Pssst... 6 February 2017

It is that time of the year again, where the first-years from each res belt out some songs and try to coordinate boy band moves. That is presumably why Ienkmelodienk was renamed 1nsync. Pssst... attended this year’s 1nsync to give some constructive criticism.

Pssst... would like to console the defending champions Boekenhout and Magrietjie. 1nsync had some really good performances, your performances were not included in those. It is quite ironic that the Ysters had a barbershop theme but lacked good haircuts. Just because you do not live at home anymore does not mean you should look like a you’ve been stranded on an island for a year. The Spikkels’ theme, Meskom, made Pssst... wish the power really would go off to kill their performance.

The only thing worse than the Welpies’ awful puns was that their theme was called “Bae Watch”. Pssst... now understands why Klaradyn has a hard time finding anyone who wants to be their “bae”.

Read more: Pssst... 6 February 2017

Pssst... 25 July 2016

Pssst... rolls it’s eyes in disbelief at the souring fact that even though the second semester has just begun the antics of res students have barely ceased.

With this in mind, Pssst...was unpleasantly surprised at the annual Around the World yawn fest to find out that despite the unholy behavior on the dance floor of Tenessee, the Kloekies actually do not know what makes a good punch. Curlitzia will be relieved to know that they don’t hand out awards for best punch at external prestige, and that they can continue to bore crowds by winning all of the awards.

Speaking of yawn fests, the annual Taaibos July was held this weekend, where all of the old Rag partners of Taaibos gather to compare whose dress reveals the most leg and who needs to be carried home before the sun sets. The Brakke were on their worst behavior (as usual) and Pssst...was more excited for a midnight snack on the way home from the party than any of the events lined up for the evening.

Read more: Pssst... 25 July 2016

Pssst... 1 August 2016

Second week of semester and the scandal is rolling in. Pssst... sees that apparently Katjiepiering and Olienhout have more in common than just consistently loitering in front of the Monate pie fridge. Pssst... hears that both residences have members that cannot hold their liquor during a pub crawl. Pssst… does, however, give credit to the Katte for keeping their after dark antics confined to the dance floor of Springboks and Tennessee. Pssst... is glad that this is instead of distressing the patrons of Oom-Gerts in the middle of the day unlike the mess that was the sleeveless-vest-in-the-middle-of-winter clad Houte at this week’s res hockey.

Speaking of antics at Tennessee, Boekhout’s ‘Cirque du Lune’ culture event happened this last week and Pssst… isn’t surprised if you didn’t know about it until now. The line up of DJs meant the Ysters had to practically beg people to attend the event and even that wasn’t convincing enough for most.

Mr and Miss Curlitzia recovered the reputation of the Kloekies somewhat after their Around the World disaster. This event was just as bland but the lack of the watered down attempt at a punch had Pssst… breathing a sigh of relief.

Read more: Pssst... 1 August 2016

Pssst... 09 May 2016

Pssst… is thoroughly Pssst…-off this week. Honestly, Pssst… is almost glad the EFF wants to take on all these lowlifes that call themselves residences. Not only did the bottom-feeders at OP dare to call Pssst… lazy (at least Pssst…’s hair doesn’t reek of horse faeces 24/7), but the killjoys at Asterhof apparently think Pssst… isn’t “shady” enough anymore. If this is what the Asters really think, Pssst… hopes they know that winter is coming.

Then, a Peppie dared to ask Pssst… whether Pssst… was mistaking Mopanie’s 02:00 “parties” for serrie practice. Listen sweetie, Pssst… knows that a Mopanie serrie practice sounds like a bunch of soon-to-be ex-engineering students butchering the English language, and that a Mopanie “party” sounds like an oxymoron.

Also, why did nobody tell Pssst… that Mopanie has been converted to a female res? Pssst… knows this must be true, because that is the best explanation Pssst… can think of for all the ladies spotted around Mopanie at unholy hours.

As for Erika, Pssst… has seen the new statue in front of their res and Pssst… thinks it’s really dignified. Pssst… isn’t sure why the donkey has a horn on its head, though. Pssst… hopes you can get a refund for that.

Read more: Pssst... 09 May 2016

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