Pssst... 5 February 2018

Pssst... is afraid of going to campus since it overrun with res students proudly sporting their atrocious uniforms and high school sweet hearts who believe that they will still be dating two weeks onto uni. Pssst... can assure you that your sweet little boyfriends will be sucking face with some Slurpie pretty soon.

The Aula grass has turned into a war zone between Taaibos and Kollege. Pssst... thinks the Vremies are way too over protective of their sad patch of grass they use to play make-believe cricket. Speaking of having no balls, Pssst... is unimpressed with the Maroela Jarre who politely returned a Madelief HC’s straw jottir after savagely ripping it off her head. Although Pssst... Can’t blame the jarre for not wanting a jottir, the Knolle don’t seem to want one either.

On the subject of wars, it seems that Luminous and Katjie Piering are in the middle of a cold war over who gets to be the masters of maroon. Luminous struck the first blow by confiding in Pssst... saying that the Katte are stuck up and that Luminous can “take them down a bit”.

If Pssst... ever needs to land a plane Pssst... would be sure to contact the Hatfield Studios first years to line up in the street with their lumo shirts. Inca’s HC have also donned a horrific colour scheme of crimson and turquoise. The Groenkloof residence has also been sulking that Pssst... didn’t mention them last week, so maybe the awful outfits are an attempt to make themselves notable. It didn’t work. Maybe Inca is feeling neglected by Kiaat whose cubs spend more time striking, sorry serenading, in front of the Hatfield female reses than doing anything else. Someone not grabbing attention are the drab Olienhout jarre. If they were a spice they’d be flour.

The Spikkels hearts have already been stolen by the Brakke who have practically moved to the Magrietjie blad. Leaving Erika feeling abandoned and the Ienks have resorted to eating their feelings in Burger King with Peppies. Honestly Pssst... can’t think of anything more depressing, except maybe that one Ienk serenading Erika’s building all by her lonesome.

Pssst... was about to warn a Peppie about first year spread, but realised there is no hope for the Mopanie first years if their HC still has not recovered from their first year spread.

Pssst... finally learned how to pronounce Drageana and is now more certain than ever that this is Vividus Men’s drag name. If varsity does not work out Ru Paul’s Drag Race is waiting for you. Fab. Oh Pssst... almost forgot about Nerina who are taking living in an ex-convent way too seriously.

Pssst... Sincerely hopes that the Ysters do fly off to Mars after that annoying 1nSync performance. Boekenhout’s general bad attitude disqualifies them from any event ever according to Pssst... Kollege should have taken third place, especially with the front row Vremie in the blue underwear proudly displaying his meat and two veg (if you know what I mean).

Can someone from Maroela please come tell us what your 1nSync theme was, Pssst... was thoroughly distracted by the Jarre who took off their shirts. Pssst... is single and ready to mingle with your eight pack.

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