How to become a citizen of the Republic of Mieliepop

Savannah Plaskitt

If you plan on becoming a proud citizen of the Republic of Mieliepop later this month here are a few things you need to know so that the only reshuffles in your life are the dancing kind. Below are step by step instructions on how to set up your cabinet and survive the motions of no confidence in the Republic of Mieliepop.

Step one: acquire your proof of residence. Unless you are booking into the Maizey Stray tent hotel you will need to bring your own tent. Your parents were right when they told you it’s best to eat your vegetables first. Drunken tent assembly is not recommended for those who do not wish to spend the night curled up on the grass. For the best camping experience be sure to also bring a sleeping bag, mattress, pillow, and other sleeping essentials.

Step two: a well-deserved snack break. After a hard few hours of setting up your camp it is time to become one with your inner Home Affairs officer and take a break. Bring out the camping chairs, or just lay out a blanket on the grass and enjoy some of the food you have packed. Sandwiches and salads are easy to assemble simple staples. No open fire braais are allowed in the camping area, so if you want to really embrace your inner South African a gas braai will have to do.

Step three: make like a Minister and head down to the Saxonwold shebeen. Using a little more caution than some South African minister, take note of the following things in order to keep good times rolling. To enjoy Mieliepop without injury from the sun be sure to apply sunscreen or wear a hat. Comfortable shoes are a must, although sandals can be worn as the soft grass will be kind to your feet. It does get cool in the evenings so bring along some warmer clothes.

Step four: Mpumalanga is not Cape town. Unlike our comrades in the South, Mieliepop is a festival with a lake. Make the best of this by bringing along any flotation devices you may own. Canoes are welcome, but if you prefer floating without the rowing bring along a pool floatie. The more bright and creative the pool floatie the better, this is a Republic where colourful floating birds and inflated rainbows are celebrated. Step five: Don’t let the Guptas capture your State. Even in the best of places there can be the worst of people. Don’t carry around what you won’t need, and keep your extra cash and important documents locked away in your tent.

Step six: A motion of cleanliness. After a long day of attending raves in caves and listening to jokes on boats make use of the hot shower facilities available to clean yourself off.

Other announcements: Make sure to drink lots of water to stay hydrated and out of the medics tent. There is very sketchy signal in the campsite so if you need to phone home you will have to make a trek up the hill to do so. Don’t despair, the view will give you something to brag about. Bring a torch, don’t be the person who falls over three tents and a tree strump trying to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Two towels are better than one, this especially applies if you plan on lounging in the lake.

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