It was Ienk last week, and boy oh boy did Pssst… have fun watching all the little first years stumble and fall … not that the older students provided much of an example. Ienk kicked off the year with a fizzle and a bang, where some of the reses impressed (and by some Pssst… means Asterhof, Boekenhout, Sonop and … and no one else). The theme of the evening seems to have been solo performances and Pssst… was not impressed. Curlitzia made some poor unfortunate soul sing a Florence and the Machine song, and Pssst… could hear the feral cats on campus flee. While Olympus seemed to think that making two trembling gingers carry all the vocal responsibility was a good thing. Talk about butchering a melody. Pssst… liked the theme the doctors came up with, but pity they can’t sing and dance. Even to save lives.

The perennial favourites, Vividus Men seemed to hit a low note this year. Pssst… doesn’t quite understand the toddler theme: it was creepy. Paedophiles now have a new home, it seems. Taaiboos het darem harder probeer die jaar, maar shame, hulle was “bietjie rigting bef*k”, soos een HK stilletjies gefluister het. Dalk was dit omdat hulle al weer besig is om met Maroela te baklei in die vroëe oggend ure. Pssst… hoor julle het sleg tweede gekom, ouens. Maar dit sal alles ok wees. Julle dans darem beter as Maroela. Van wat Pssst… hoor doen Maroela niks behalwe baklei. Ons hoor julle Jool maats is nie baie beindruk met hoeveel werk julle doen nie, ouens. Dit is effens vreemd dat julle eerder saam met Taaibos wil speel as Klaradyn. Ietsie om te deel? Inca doesn’t make it into Pssst… often. Frankly Pssst… forgets they exist most of the time. As usual, they sucked. They were rhythmless and listless. When the band can’t even play the tune to Moves Like Jagger, all is lost. Ladies, why do you even try bother leaving campus? So gepraat van Groenkloof koshuise wat moet ophou probeer: Lilium se tema was “Sandy Summer Holidays”. Die meisies het soos `n klomp hartseer tropiese hansworse gelyk. Pssst… vermoed die Lilium HK was hoog toe hulle die dansies uitgewerk het.

The men of Zeus seemed determined to offend someone. Unlike Kollege, who realised quickly they were going to suck and resorted to some hilarious mockery, Zeus’s back-up plan was racism. Pssst… doesn’t think your double Indian theme worked, guys. You do know that Native Americans and people from India are not from the same place, right? The Vividus girls were really worried about having danced well, if their post-performance whining was anything to go by. Heads up girls: you didn’t. Pssst… did like the neon thing though, if only because it was easy to see you pass out in the Square at the after party. What do you call three Vividus girls in a heap again? On the positive side, Pssst… has always wondered why Vividus ladies always attract more talent than Zeus ladies. Then we watched Ienk. Now we know. Speaking of small numbers and no effort, what did Jacarandia think they were doing? A house warming theme? What, because you couldn’t afford costumes? At least you get your annual mention in the Pssst…. Congrats. Sonop had a great theme, but their costumes left little … and we mean very little … to the imagination. Maybe remember to wear some underwear in future guy in the front. It isn’t pretty.

Next week, Pssst… brings you all the scandal from Rag. As usual if you have any news, you can send Pssst… your tips at m.perdeby.co.za.